Yuna's yearning
by Lupinrager
Summary: Ever since Tidus disappeared, Yuna was hiding something deep within her...


Sorry for the hold up! Maybe I will turn these ito chapters so that you may read older ones easier!  
Disclaimer: I don't own FF X-2, they are the property of Square- Enix. How the hell did those 2 get together? Weren't they rivals?  
Anyway, on with the flick!  
  
2 years have passed ever since I and my team of guardians defeated sin, 2 years since my heart bled and died. 2 years since I died, on the inside. What use is saving the world if you're just in pain over it? No one really thanks you, no one acknowledges you, and the only thing they care about is the fact that you brought peace and comfort to them. They don't care about the ones they fall, I would have been a distant memory by now if I failed. Besides, peace doesn't last forever, eventually something will dramatically change all our lives. Why bring peace if the people you brought it for just destroy it. Who cares if you lost love, who cares if you brought peace, who cares if you fall, these people are no more than fiends.  
Journal of Yuna, high summoner  
2 AS (after sin)  
  
A sunny day in Besaid village, who cares. The water, clean and crystal clear, which cares, the air was filled with the fragrance of flowers, who cares. Everything was all polluted with blood and death. Even as the sun turned the huts a deep blue, my heart remained grey.  
Sitting in the sun was the only thing I did now. Nothing to do, nothing to accomplish, and dreams that were squashed haunted my mind. I never felt love or warmness after Tidus disappeared. The only love in my life, the one who made me cast off my beliefs of Yevon, and I thank him for that. Why have Faith in the faith, they give you something valuable, only to snatch it way from you, forever.  
My hair grew long from not tending to it, only once did I comb it, and I braided it to keep away from my face. I didn't care what I wore; everything I put on was a Hodge-podge of different clothes just put on for the fact of wearing something. For 6 months it went like this, Lulu and Wakka always trying to comfort me, yet it didn't feel the same. I felt all alone, no one to care for and no one to care for me. Rikku was gone sphere- hunting 'whatever that is.'; Kimahri went back to mount Gagazet to be the new tribe elder. Sir Auron has gone to the far plane already. Tidus... wet streaks form on my face at his name, since the only light in my life grew dim and faded away.  
Tidus, the name was like the ocean, and he was like the ocean; So clean and so pure. Why did he leave? I loved him. Why did they take him? I loved him. Why did I love him, because I just loved him?  
Holding my head in my palms, I cried the last tears for the day. I don't know why but I always walked down the beach where the found him. Who cared about fiends? Every time I get attacked, I just blindly walk away, scratches and scars forming on my skin. Nights were spent crying into my pillow, blaming everyone who came into contact with me.  
"I hate the fayth, I hate Yevon, I hate Sin, I hate SPIRA!" I hardly ever sleep and when I did, the night mares came to taunt me. It was always the same, I'm, in a blitz ball sphere, I can't breath and I helplessly float in the water. As my vision gets blurry, I see Tidus swimming with all his might. Then Sin crashes through and my angel vanishes in purple light. The Water turns into blood as Sin faces my, as I stretch out my hands, his dismembered head floats by... I always scream when I wake up, and every night I brush the sweat off of me.  
My heart gets heavier as each passing day, and my longing for the sweet, cold embrace of death comes closer, yet I know it wasn't possible. Why destroy all that was left of my life. Finally I decided to kill myself.  
Kill the Yuna that held me back, a Yuna full of Pain. A new start in life was what I needed most of all. Heck a new life for me. No more memories that I can't throw away because they are valuable, no more memories I can't hold because they hurt. If only I could change my name, then the transformation would be complete. Yet I knew it would be impossible, every one knew me all too much, but now I will give them a new Yuna, not the shy naïve Yuna that was all too kind, a Yuna with a lot of Rikku in between.  
It would have been easier if Rikku was here. Ever since she got hooked on Sphere hunting I don't know who to talk to. My cousin was there when I needed her, except ever since I started summoner training. It had been years since I saw her last, it was so long ago, and she still calls me by my baby name. I'm so alone, I promise that the next time Rikku comes I will go along.  
I stand up and in 2 years, I finally notice the sun set. So beautiful, a spectrum of red, orange, yellow, purple, and blue. "So beautiful," I whisper under my breath "Just like you."  
  
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Thank you for bearing with me, I can now take flames but I will delete them if I really REALLY HATE them. From now on I will add the new feelings to chapters instead and re-edit the already done fics. Next on will probably be happy. 


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